


Can He Be Forgiven?

by TheAngelofFate



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Brotherhood, Brothers, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Don't End in Blood, Friendship, Gen, Hugs, I can't stress this enough that this is a story of friendship', James Potter is a Good Friend, Men Crying, No Wolfstar here, Peter Does His Best, Peter Pettigrew cares about his friends, Sirius Black Needs a Hug, Tears, because men can hug and comfort each ohter without it being romantic, brothers don't end in just blood, give me friendship any day of the god dang week, nothing against you all but I don't happen to ship them, sorry not sorry wolfstar shippers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:33:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24510856
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAngelofFate/pseuds/TheAngelofFate
Summary: Sirius made a mistake. He knows without a shadow of a doubt that he cocked up big time when he told Snape about what may lay beneath the Whomping Willow. And he's sorry, Sirius is so sorry. He never meant for this to happen, never meant it to have gone as far as it did.But the question remains-- Will Remus forgive ever him?(Set two months after the Prank, where Sirius almost get Snape killed.)
Relationships: Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter
Comments: 1
Kudos: 11





	Can He Be Forgiven?

Sirius was not in a good mood today, he wasn't angry at anybody in particular, more at myself really. When he told Snape how to get past the Whomping Willow two months ago, it hadn’t been his intention to get him killed. Sirius had only wanted to scare him, so that way he would stop bothering not only him and his friends, stop snooping around and trying to get them expelled. Course at the time, he didn't think of what the consequences his actions would bring, because isn’t that power to the course, right? He never did think anything through, never did think of the consequences until it was too late. All he cared, about in that moment, was getting Snape to leave them alone. 

Now Remus, one of his best friends is refusing to speak to him...

_It's my fault, I know that, I was the one who screwed up, he has every right to hate me._

But that didn’t mean it hurt any less.

So here he laid upon the grass next to the beech tree near the lake, just a peaceful Wednesday morning. Eyes closed and lost in his own thoughts to pay any attention to the things going on around me. James is talking, but Sirius was too far away from reality to listen to what was being said.

"—Then me and the Giant Squid danced until dawn under its underwater kingdom…"

That— caught him a bit off guard.

" _What_?" Sirius asked, dumbfounded, opening his eyes

"Ha! Gotcha Padfoot" He said with a cocky grin

"Very funny Prongs…" Sirius said dully, settling back against the beech tree, staring at the clouds passing by,

"What's wrong, Sirius?" Peter asked noticing the tone in my voice

Sirius let out sigh, but didn't answer right away, "Remus hates me…"

James just scoffed playfully at him, "No, he doesn't, He's just—"

"Not speaking to me, which you know for me is even _worse_ ," Sirius said sitting up, looking from James to Peter. “You know how I _hate_ being ignored.” Because it was true, that was one of the things about himself that everyone knew. One good way to get under his skin, was to give him the cold shoulder and pretend he was there, which is exactly what Remus was doing.

“We’re all like that, Sirius. No one likes being ignored.” Peter informed him, his fingers fidgeting,

“But he knows it miffs me off. He’s doing it on purpose,” Sirius digs his nails into his palms in frustration. “Not that I blame him.”

The air around them was practically leaking from his own sadness and guilt, so it didn’t come to a surprise to him, when James tried to cheer him up, being the optimistic person, he always was. "Don't worry Pads, he'll come round!" James said slapping me on the back

Sirius scoffed, flatly, " _When_? Look how long it took you both guys to start talking to me again, let alone even wanting to be near me." Because at the time, it took James and Peter a month before they would speak to me. “I’m surprised you both even did forgive me, with what I did. How could you have?” His eyes moved to them, looking sad and resigned.

James scooted closer to him, and placed a hand on his shoulder, “C’mon Padfoot, you know I’m not one to hold a grudge.” Prongs gave him a smile, “Plus you looked right miserable that entire month.”

Peter scooted closer than, giggling. “He was right miserable too, he missed you.”

James’ eyes widened, he turned towards Peter and playfully shoved him, “ _Hush_ Wormtail.”

Peter giggled with a small smile on his face,

Sirius let out a huff of laughter of his own. The guilt still lingered there, Sirius doubted that it would ever go away, but he found some type of solace knowing that he still had James and Peter with him.

“You guys really think he’ll forgive me?”

Peter fiddled with a sweet in his hand, unwrapping it and offering them one each, “My mum once said that, forgiveness can always be possible, given time.”

“How _much_ time, though?” Because Sirius was sure the wait was going to kill him. Because he couldn’t stand being ignored but he equally couldn’t stand it when his friends hated him.

"Well, Pads, here’s your chance to find out.” James announced, directing their attention towards the grounds. And there, at a considerable distance, books in hand, was Remus. 

Peter cupped his hands over his mouth, " _Hey_! Remus!"

Remus paused, looking around a moment or two before his eyes settled on Peter and James, he smiled fondly at them, taking a step forward, but stopped once he saw Sirius sitting there. Remus gave him a wounded expression before turning around and walking away.

Sirius stared after him, bowing his head, the guilt consuming his heart just a little more.

"See what I mean?" He told them, miserably, feeling like the worst smelling kind of dung there was. There was nothing they could say that would argue the fact that Remus hated him not after what just happened.

The tone of James’ voice which had held optimism now simply held a sadness, "Yeah…. This is all just balls up, what are we gonna do?"

Silence fell between the three remaining Marauders, as they were all at a loss of what to do.

The silence was eventually broken by Peter, his voice squeaking at a high pitch, nervous and unsure. "I think…. Either me or you James should go talk to him"

Sirius turned to Peter, shocked, eyes wide and incredulous. "Are you mental?” He couldn’t even fathom the thought, because Sirius knew that them talking with Remus would only make things worse, “I don't want him to be mad at you guys to!” 

But James, apparently thought the idea was brilliant. "Wormtail, that’s probably the best idea you’ve had all year. Let’s do it."

"You’re both mental, off your rockers!” Sirius wanted to in some way talk them out of it, because it's bad enough Remus is refusing to speak to Sirius. But if he stops talking to James and Peter then he'll be all alone, which they all knew was Remus’ worst fear. To be all alone in the world, like he was before he met them.

When they first figured out his secret, Remus hesitantly admitted to them that he was always alone, even before he was cursed to become a feral wolf every full moon, he has always been alone, but when he came to Hogwarts, when they became his friends, he felt accepted for the first time.

James gently placed a hand on his back, and giving him a few pats. "Calm down Padfoot, everything will be fine!" And there was that tone again, that tone of unyielding optimism, that always was within James, pushing him forward genuinely believing everything was going to be alright.

How could he argue with that?

Sirius sighed "Alright…"

...

...

Coming out of Professor Flitwicks's classroom, didn’t improve Sirius’ mood like Lily had suggested. She like pretty much everyone saw that Sirius mood had dipped rather deep. And being the kind person, she was regardless of her issues with James and the rivalry he and Snape had for her affection, couldn’t in her good conscious simply walk away from someone who was hurting. So she attempted to help him, saying that whenever she was upset that focusing on school work, was the best way to distract her, she even offered to tutor him, knowing how badly his grades have dropped since the incident with Snape.

And Sirius, was so desperate at this point that he actually tried to do just that, he thanked her for her help and he tried to actually pay attention in class. But it proofed challenging because every class he had was with Remus, and because of such, he can never concentrate, it was like his teachers knew what he did, and purposefully placed Remus either right next to him to add onto his guilt.

As the class ended Flitwick held Sirius back. He asked if anything was wrong, asked if there was anything wanted to talk about. And Sirius simply gave the usual response and said that everything was fine. And for a moment he thought, hoped that his Charms Professor believed him, but as Sirius got up from his desk— "I have noticed for the past two months that you and Mr. Lupin have not been talking the way you usually do, Is everything alright between the pair of you?" He asked in his high-pitched voice. Again, Sirius merely waved off his Professor obvious concern and made a quick run to the door.

Running out into the corridor, he looked up and saw Wormtail coming towards me, "Did you talk to Remus?" Sirius inquired, when Peter skidded to a stop.

Wormtail placed his hands on his knees and bowed low, his breathe coming out in short wheezing. "Oh, I talked to him."

"And?"

Peter took another moment or two to catch his breath, before continuing, "And he wouldn't listen, said that he had other things to focus on. That his schoolwork was more important.”

Sirius tried to not let that statement hurt, but it _did_. It hurt, and it left him feeling disappointed. “Oh…” He murmured sadly, looking at the ground.

"I’m so sorry, Sirius..." Wormtail squeaked out, eyes filled with guilt, “I even ran after him, tried to explain how you felt and how miserable you were, but he wouldn’t hear me,”

Peter looked as though he was on the verge of a breakdown the longer they stood there. Gently, he patted Wormtail on the back, "You did your best," Sirius stated, trying to reassure him, “Thanks for trying, Wormy.”

Peter gave him a wet smile, before nodding his head, and together, they walked to go to the Great Hall. When they arrived, it didn’t take them long before both Peter and himself heard two voices arguing, the voices vibrated off the walls of the Great Hall and traveled out into the corridors and the Grand Staircase.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out who were arguing.

"Please Prongs! I don't want to talk!"

James’ voice carried over Remus’ and seemed to echo even louder and even at this distance away Sirius could tell his was pissed. "Well how about this then? _I_ talk, and _you_ listen, that sound good, Moony?"

Nervously, Sirius had to mentally prepare himself for what he was about to see, as he walked into the Great Hall, where he found James standing over Remus as the other sat at the Gryffindor Table his homework scattered around him, forgotten.

Remus, even at a distance, looked exhausted, looked physically and emotionally drained, "James! Just please leave it alone—"

But everyone at Hogwarts knew, how stubborn James Potter was, he wasn’t going to back down, not even from his friends. "I _know_ what he did was very, _very_ wrong, and I understand _why_ your angry. But can't you see how sorry he is? Can't you just _talk_ to him?"

Then something seemed to snap within Remus and he stood up from where he sat and glared at James, "You’re one to talk,” Remus spat out venomously, “Look at how long it took _you_ to talk to him.”

James didn’t back away, didn’t back down, and stayed rooted to the spot, staring at Remus with intent, with tired hazel eyes. "Yeah, but at least I am talking to him _now_.” James’ signed, taking off his glasses, and pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. “He's our best mate. He was the one who told you that we would always be here for you, that you’d never be alone."

Remus opened his mouth, and then closed it, lowering his head, apparently at a loss for words.

Silence washed over the Great Hall and at this point, people were staring at James and Remus, muttering to each other, probably wondering who they were talking about. Sirius wished, prayed that they would stop, why did Prongs have to start something _here_?

_Where are the damn Prefects and Teachers when you really need them?_

James looked around realizing that he was causing a scene, he stiffened little.

"Prongs— _Please_ …" Remus begged again lifting his head up, his eyes found moved around the room and settled on Sirius’, Remus watched him for a moment, the hurt still clear on his eyes then grew slightly wide as if he saw something that shocked him. It didn’t take long for Sirius to realize what that was, as the young Black’s grey eyes became misty.

He was crying, barely holding it together as thick tears cascading down his face.

_Merlin's beard! Paint a portrait of me, it'll last longer!_

A loud shriek cut through the silence of the Great Hall, and Sirius knew exactly who it was. Bella always did have a flare for the dramatics. "Cousin, cousin” She tsked and Sirius could hear her voice dripping with glee, as she jumped onto the tables near them “Are those tears? You’re a Black, show some backbone! You pathetic, useless embarrassment! You don’t deserve to wear our crest."

The tension that was around them, the thick unyielding pressure from the building of anxiety seemed to snap at the point, but it wasn’t James or Remus who broke it. No, having stayed silent this whole time, Sirius broke, finally broke and anger rose within him. He turned and rounded, climbing up on the tables with her, grabbing her by the collar and, grey eyes furious.

Bella simply giggled sadistically, loving the challenge. "Did I hit a nerve there cousin!”

“ _Bella_ ” He snarled out, gritting his teeth, tears still streaming down his face. “I’m not in the mood. _Don’t_ push me.”

"“ _Hehehe_ , feeling brave, are we?" His cousin suddenly grabbed him by the collar and shoved him away, "Let’s see how long that lasts, shall we?”

Then a voice out in the crowd shouted “ _Nebulus_!” And the entire Great Hall erupted into chaos, as a thick dark fog engulfed the entire dining hall. Then spells were being casted, and a variety of students were doing different things at once.

Some of the Gryffindors were fighting with some Slytherins that dared to challenge them,

Ravenclaws were either dodging out of the way from incoming blasts or protecting the younger students who were scared and confused.

While some of the Hufflepuffs were either huddled in the corner or were helping out their fellow Gryffindors.

In short, it was like an all-out brawl.

Sirius heard people shouting, screaming, defensive spells flying out in all different directions, it was complete and utter chaos and Bella was feeding off that, and if Sirius was being honest, so was he. The adrenaline was pumping his heart, fueling his muscles and he, a couple times, found himself grinning. He guessed that really was the Black in him shining through, that thrill of a fight. But he could not concentrate on that, right now. Couldn’t focus on his own glee of his own adrenaline. His entire focus needed to be on Bellatrix. His full concentration needed to be on his duel with her because this had been a long time coming. He didn’t care if she ratted him out to his parents, he didn’t care if his father punished him after this was all over, he _didn’t_ care.

All he wanted, right now, was to take Bella down a peg or two. Eventually, he gained the upper hand and managed to trap his cousin, bounding her ankles and wrists, Sirius watched as she fell to the ground below. Letting out a long sign, Sirius jumped down from where he stood, and gazed at her, “Not so gleeful now, are you, Bella?” He pushed his bangs from out of his hair and laughed, shaking his head, “Seems that luck you’re so fancy about boasting must have run out.”

“You’re luck is in no far shape either, Black.”

Sirius froze, because he knew that voice, how could he not? It was the voice of the boy who rivaled James for Lily’s affection. It was whom he told to the Whomping Willow for the answers he seeked. The very person who James saved and who was sworn to secrecy by Dumbledore, on Remus’ condition.

And Sirius signed, because was it just his luck, wasn’t it? Turning to his left, he saw Snape pointing his wand right at him, his expression blank and yet his eyes held contempt, “Come to take your revenge, Snivellus?” Because of course he was, why else would he be pointing his wand at him while the entire Great Hall dissolves into chaos? “I’m surprised, thought you’d done it by now.”

Snape scoffed, “Too many witnesses, not enough cover.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow at that, “ _Oooh_ , are you actually going to kill me, Snivvy? I have to say that would be an impressive feat to get away with, seeing as doing so would immediately send you to a trip to Azakan.”

Snape took a step forward, a smirk on his face. “Please, killing you would require to many explanations. So I’ll have to suffice with this.”

And as the fog grew thicker and thicker around them, Sirius engaged in a battle with his best friend’s rival. And he had to admit, had to admit the skills Snape possessed, because Sirius wasn’t a wazzock, throughout the years of their school year even Sirius could recognize talent when he saw it. Such a shame he was wasting it fancying the Dark Arts.

But Sirius was trained by Orion Black, and as much as he hated his old man for the torment he put him through and turning his brother against him, he had to give credit where it was due, for with his father’s teachings, he was a pretty decent dueler.

And he proved that in his duel with Snape.

The fog around the Great Hall seemed to be dissipating some, just enough for him to see most of the Hall had been evacuated by most of the Ravenclaws and some Hufflepuffs still lingered providing protection, while a variety of Gryffindors still stayed and defended their own. Loyal until the very end, he’s never been prouder to be a Gryffindor.

But Sirius wasn’t stupid, he knew the longer this lingered on, the worst it get. _Where the hell were the teachers,_ surely a Prefect would have gotten to one already, right?

So where the hell were they?

One of Snape’s spell caught him in the cheek while he was distracted, he could feel it burning while the cut bleed down his face. “Mind focused, Black. Or has Professor Muldov taught you nothing?”

Sirius growled, barring his teeth. Kicking up a plate, he throw it at Snape, whom dodged it and didn’t have but didn’t have enough time to react as Sirius came running forward, grabbing a hold of Snivellus’s greasy hair and pulled his face down, his forehead making contact with his knee. Snape grunted in pain, he collapsed onto the table. Sirius let out a sigh, as he smoothed his hair back and looked down at Snape, “Looks like you lose, Snivvy. Any last words before the teachers get here and you and Bella are expelled?”

Snape let out a grunted as he tried to regain his bearings, as he crawled onto his stomach. Then Sirius watched as Snape let out a laugh, “Yes,” Snape said with a grin, “Do you think he’ll be able to dodge in time?”

But before Sirius could even question what that meant, Snape pointed his wand out passed Sirius, _"Sectumsempra!"_

A jet a light shoots out of Snape’s wand, and ripped through the fog. Heading for a specific target, heading right towards Remus who was trying to keep contain the mist that spread a crossed the Great Hall. While James and Peter defended against a few other Slytherin’s.

Sirius felt ice form inside his veins, eyes widened heart pounding in his ears, he knew not what that spell was or what it could do but he knew that no matter what, he wasn’t going to let it make contact with Remus or James or Peter. “MOONY!” Maneuvering a crossed the tables, kicking over cups and plates, put all his strength and leaped into the air, landing right in front of Remus, with just enough time to push his friend out of the way, to take the hit himself.

And the moment it contact with his skin, Sirius couldn’t help but let out a scream, it was like a thousand knifes just tore through his entire body. Knocking Sirius onto his back, he could feel blood flowing down the various lacerations. His lungs were on fire and he could not _breathe_ from the amount of blood that pooled into his mouth.

“SIRIUS!”

“PADS!”

Sirius could barely register what was happening around him, his mind was a thick and muddled as the fog around him, he couldn’t think past the agony. He could do nothing but lay there and bleed while Snape and Bella took there leave.

He felt someone touch him, felt someone move him, lift him up, and Sirius couldn’t help but cry out in pain, tears cascading down his cheeks. “Shh, it’s okay Pads. We got you.”

With much difficulty, Sirius managed to open his eyes just enough to see James, Peter peering above him, eyes frantic with worry. He never did like it when others worried about him, he never thought he deserved such kindness and concern. Not when Regulus treated his wounds after a particular hit from his father, not when James threatened to beat the man up when he heard about it after running away for the first time, and not even when Mrs. Potter offered him a warm hug and care in her eyes.

He didn’t deserve their concern then and he definitely didn’t it now. Not after what he did, not after betraying them.

So in true Sirius Black fashion, he made the attempt to grin at them, his chest heaving in protest at the simple action, but he forced himself anyway, swallowing his blood, cringing at the iron taste, “W-What’s with… those f-faces? You lot look like… your about to weep… I’m fine you nutters… just knackered is all…”

But his words seem to have the opposite effect then what he was hoping was comfort. Tears ran down Peter’s chubby cheeks, as he clutched to James’ robes and held Sirius’ hand. Sirius wanted to squeeze back, but he found he had no energy to do so, as his eyes slipped shut. “Pads, no.. Stay awake, you hear me!” 

Sirius let out a loud cry as James jostled him, desperately trying to keep Sirius from passing out. His earring faded out by that point and all he could make out were muffled voices and blurry shapes of color. It dawned on Sirius then in sick realization, _Oh Merlin,_ he was dying, wasn’t he? He didn’t want to die, he was far too young, there were still so much more he wanted to do with his life. 

Even if he deserved it, he didn’t want to die.

Then to his left, Sirius saw red, but not the red from his own blood, _oh no_. This red was different, lighter in color, as it belonged to someone he knew well.

Lily

She was here too?

Sirius gave her a weak smile, “Hey E-Evans…” He felt her brush a piece of his sweaty bang back from his eyes and he even if he couldn’t see her face, knew that she was giving him a warm smile.

Peter’s voice flooded through the muck of his hearing. “T-The teachers finally got through, they’re coming, James…”

By this point Sirius could bother keeping his eyes open, so he didn’t but he forced himself to speak through the blood and coughs, “ _P-Prongs_?”

Prongs gave him a squeeze, showing Sirius that he was still here, “Y-Yeah, Padfoot?” His friend’s voice sounded on the verge of a break down as much as Peter had looked.

Sirius dug his fingers into James’ robes, “I’m… I’m s- _sorry_. What I— What I did, with S-Snape… I’m sorry. T-Tell Moony, that I-I’m really sorry. B-Because of me, I...” He felt tears burn at the corner of his eyes as the guilt consumed him. “I destroyed our friendship…”

Sirius have never felt so much guilt in his life. Everything that was happening right now his fault alone; he had been such a lousy, selfish friend. Sirius had been adamant in their promise they had made to Remus; that he could always count on them to never betray him.

And what had Sirius go around and do? The very thing they all swore they wouldn't do. He turned around and stabbed the most helpful, responsible, caring, giving person Sirius had ever met right straight in the back.

The knowledge that he was going to die knowing that his best friend hated him... was hard for him to accept.

“Sirius, no… Please, don’t take like that… You didn’t destroy anything! You didn’t! You’re gonna be fine, you know?” James’ voice cracked on that very last sentence, like he was desperately trying to believe his own words but the reality of what was happening was preventing him from doing so.

Sirius tried to smile again but couldn’t. He couldn’t do anything anymore. Body limp, as far away shouts and orders from the teachers arriving bounced off the walls and tried to penetrate his hearing, all Sirius could do was lay there, as several arms practically ripped him away from James, and placed him on a stretcher.

And after that, thick dark tendrils of the abyss claimed him, dragged him down into unconsciousness.

**Author's Note:**

> So a little background here, I wrote this story all the way back in 2014 and looking back at it now, my god was it awful… Like it’s embarrassing how bad it actually was. But since it was one of the few HP stories about the Marauders that I hold near and dear to my heart, I’ve decided to completely rewrite it and post it on here instead. Somethings from my original story will be here, but something will also be changed. 
> 
> Anywoo, a penny for you're thoughts? Feedback are always welcomed and appreciated down below and I hope to see you all next time.


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